so today i went dowtownt to eat lunch with the girls i used to work at the law firm with.  it had been a year so it was good to see them.  i wasnt going to go up to the office and see people but they talked me into it.  I went down to the construction side first and said hi to scott and jim.. it was good seeing jim i miss him soo much he was SUCH a fuin guy.  i cant believe vikki, jim's and carolyn kids are getting sooo big.  wow time sure does fly.fast!!! then i saw time from all the way down the hall.   he actually came down and shook my hand and asked how iw as doing.  that was nice but it was VERY awkard since i didnt leave on good terms.  so then i saw ellen and she just waved from down the hall.  I had asked her to come to lunch with us but she siad no she didnt want to.  so i thought it was going to be weird to see her. I had to walk down to that side where they all were to say goodbye to carolyn.  so i wanted to go down the stairs to say hi to jason ( who turned out not to be there) but that means i would have to walk past ellen and tim so i made carolyn walk me to the door.  but ellen was on the phone and she said hi to me real quick and i just left.  part of me wanted to apologize for how i left but i guess it wasnt the right time for that .  being htere brought back soo many BAD memories but i am soo glad i have SUCH a great job now and I am soo thankful for it

well thats enough for now--i gotta get ready to go out with erin ;)

ill write more later

XO

the story of my life...this is going to be long rambles but thats ok I am going to write it all out.  I am also not goign to write names out but it might be obvious who i am talking about, but i hope not

i am just frustrated it seems like someone else always have the good things happen to them.  so i have bad luck,  but now this situation is going to turn out to be dirty when it isnt supposed to be.    ok so i have liked guys on and off and some i am more joking about then serious for.  none of them turned out to be anything but even when i liked them I had other people in the back of my head (is that such a bad thing) there is this one guy i have liked for a while.  yes when i liked him there has been two other people who have passed by, but one of them was something that turned out to be funny and i NEVER saw myself being with him, the other ya i met him over the itnernet but nothing will happen with him i come to find out so i started liking this other guy.   im just confused cause my friend knew i liked him, and i know u cant help feelings, and she doesnt wanna hurt me and thats good im just confused thats all royalie.  i dont know what else to day now--i dont wanna make it more obviosu then it seems and i dont wanna hurt anyone more then i already do to people.. so note to the world. of i wanna get screwed over see me---

**hope this blesses you all like it blessed me**

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ;)

THE GOD WHO LOVES BOLDLY -----
by Max Lucado

God, I have a question:  Why do you love your children? Why do you
tolerate us? You give us every breath we breathe, but do we thank you?
You give us bodies beyond duplication, but do we praise you?

Seldom.

We complain about the weather. We argue over who gets which continent
and who has the best gender. Not a second passes when someone,
somewhere, doesn't use your name to curse a hammered thumb or a bad
call by the umpire. (As if it were your fault.)

You fill the world with food, but we blame you for hunger. You keep the
earth from tilting and the arctics from thawing, but we accuse you of
unconcern. You give us blue skies, and we demand rain. You give rain,
and we demand sun. (As if we knew what was best anyway.)

We give more applause to a brawny ball-carrier than we do to the God
who made us. We are a gnat on the tail of one elephant in a galaxy of
Africas, and yet we demand that you find us a parking place when we
ask. And if you don't give us what we want, we say you don't exist. (As
if our opinion matters.)

We pollute the world you loan us. We mistreat the bodies you gave us.
We ignore the Word you sent us. And we killed the Son you became.

You have every reason to abandon us. But do you?

I see the answer in the rising of the sun. I hear the answer in the
crashing of the waves. I feel the answer in the skin of a child.

Father, your love never ceases. Never. Though we spurn you, ignore you,
disobey you, you will not change. Our evil cannot diminish your love.
Our goodness cannot increase it. Our faith does not earn it anymore
than our stupidity jeopardizes it. You don't love us less if we fail.
You don't love us more if we succeed.

Your love never ceases.

How do we explain it?

God's love is not human. His love is not normal. His love sees your sin
and loves you still. Does he approve of your error? No. Do you need to
repent? Yes. But do you repent for his sake or yours? Yours. His ego
needs no apology. His love needs no bolstering.

And he could not love you more than he does right now.

MOOD:

SO i am going to write this entry and it might not make sense to anyone but i feel a need to vent so here I go.  I hate and i mean HATE with a passion the way my mother acts when we are out and with other people.  especially around my brother and sister in law.  My brother could NEVER do ANYTHING wrong and whatever I say is wrong.  my mom also has a tendenecy SOO many tiems to say things that are not true.  so there is a point where i wonder if what she is saying is true.  I know she has a lot of issues and if u knew my mom u would know what I am talking about then u would maybe get a slight understanding of what i mean.  otherwise u will think im probably being SUCH a mean daughter, which I am not.  so i dont know what else to say accept i am soo completly frustrated and dont understand why i am overlooked and my brother is the apple of her eye and is perfect.  and NO Im not jealous of him AT ALL!!

so this weekend my brother, kris ( my sis in law) and my mom and dad did there annual *the past 2 or three years* trip to williamsburg.  they NEVER even ask me if i want to go.  i understand it is a couple thing and thats cool but they dont even ask me if i wanna go.  i dont know then they come back and talk about how wonderful it is and look at these pics and have a pic of the 4 of them, it just makes me sad.  anyway oh well what can I do.  guess i just have to wait until I am married to go there with them (whcih at this point looks like never). 

thats all for right now--i am going to read a max lucado book and make myself somewhat happy or try to.

have a good night

jen